Day Twenty-Three - Somewhere In Between

The weather reflects my mood today. Not sunny and clear but not quite stormy either. Somewhere in between where it's frustrating and in a state of limbo. There's an undercurrent of threatening stress but nothing so obviously wrong that justifies an actual, all-out bad mood. Unsettling.

I feel my time here winding down and I have mixed feelings about it. Part of me is so scared to go back to reality and get back into the full swing of things again. I knew this trip wouldn't solve everything - or maybe anything - but I hope it did me a lot of good. I realized today that I won't know if it did - or how much it did - until I get back into my life and test it out a bit. That's nerve racking. There's still so much that still seems unresolved in my life and even though there were no big answers to those problems on this trip, I do hope that I'll be able to handle them better simply for having the opportunity to rest.

I'll be sad to lose my neighbor, The Ocean. His company has done me good and I'll miss him. I dread waking up to looking at my awful neighbors across the street back in inland suburbia instead of the beautiful sunrise and ocean waves. I'll miss my walks through saltwater and soft sand. I'll miss looking at shells. I'll miss watching dogs fetch sticks that their master's have thrown. I'll miss the soft breezes.

But there's also a part of me that is excited about going back home and resuming some normalcy. As mundane as it can be, there's comfort in the routine. I also need to get back to Emma. I've asked a lot of her by going on this big adventure and she's been great. So has Greg. He's done a great job "holding down the fort" and I appreciate him for that. It's time for me to get back and do my part.

Mixed-up feelings for sure. But it all seems familiar somehow. Much of my life is lived in a state of feeling hope and resignation at the same time. It can be stressful and unsettling but it is what it is and I have to get on with it. I plan on making the most of the rest of my time here in the next few days. That is yet undefined but...that's life, right?