Looking back I think it had something to do with having a problem with her gross motor skills. Her fine motor skills were well above par but she had trouble with jumping and running and even walking a lot of the time. She had a strange gait. "She trips over air." I used to say. Our pediatrician advised us to have her checked out so we took her to various specialists - orthopedist, physical therapists, neurologist - and the final conclusion was that she was just growing too fast. She grew 17 inches her first two years and she simply couldn't keep up with her rate of growth. The distance between her eyes and the ground was constantly changing and she couldn't get all of those long limbs coordinated. When she was in the water she felt even more out of control with no ground beneath her so of course she was afraid. She was the same way on swings too. It freaked her out to just hang there, suspended without any way to get her footing.
I feel bad when I think back on that now. How I used to believe that you had to be tough on kids to get them moving in a certain direction - in what you perceive to be the right time for them. I guess I still think that's the case sometimes but only after you've really looked at the situation openly and honestly and listened and heard what your child is telling you, either with their words or their actions and reactions to a particular situation or issue.
We thought the right thing to do was to get her in the water early in life and that by doing so she would be comfortable with it sooner. But the truth was, she wasn't comfortable. She instinctively knew her own limits and was actually being really smart and had a great sense of self-preservation.
After all of our various attempts at pushing this swimming thing on her, one day when she was about four or five, she finally announced to us, "I will learn to swim when I'm eight." ???? We thought that was so funny. It seemed so arbitrary to us. Why eight? What was her thought process to come to that conclusion? We had long given up on this "early in the water" business so we just shrugged our shoulders and said, "Okay, when you're eight then." and dropped it because by then we had learned about our daughter than she had good instincts.
In the meantime, we continued to take her to the pool every chance we could and she loved to play and splash and have a great time in the water - just no actual swimming or diving or even jumping off the sides of the pool. But wouldn't you know it, sure enough, when she was eight she said, "I'm ready to learn how to swim now." And she did. In fact, she learned how to swim so well that now she's on the swim team for her school and also part of a local swim league. It's her one and only athletic interest - and people - she's good at it! She's found a purpose for those long limbs and she feels free in the water. Free from all of that lack of coordination that she still has to contend with on land.
When she arrived here on Saturday the first thing she did was give me a long hug and then she proceeded with asking repeatedly when we could go down to the beach. (What a relief that she went for the hug first!) We went down there and she had a blast. She was so free and happy and funny - playing in her favorite playground in the world. She spent many hours body surfing on her boogie-board and happily getting her butt kicked by the waves.
Her love of water isn't just about swimming though. She decided years ago that she wants to be a marine biologist or oceanographer and it has stuck. At first, we thought it was probably just a passing fancy - one of many on the topic of her career choices, we thought. We were wrong. She is already looking into colleges that offer that type of program and she's only 12. Granted, we know that it may change for her after all, but that doesn't appear to be happening anytime soon. She knows about shells and marine life and currents and the relationship between the tides and the sky and lighthouses and boats and fish and...on and on....She desperately wants to learn to scuba dive and how to sail and wants to live by the ocean someday.....
She's come full circle - from fear to love - and I feel so privileged to be able to watch her make these mental, emotional and physical journeys. I hope that she continues to make the same journey about the many other things that will come up in her life that seem scary to her at first. That she won't live in fear, but in courage. I've tried to teach her that it's not brave if you're not scared and she has shown me bravery many times about many things in her short life so far. I'm lucky and blessed to be her mom.
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