I went somewhere the other day and it held memories for me. Memories that I couldn't share with anyone in my current life. And that made me sad. But it also felt kind of juicy. Do you know what I mean?
When you're a mom you learn very quickly that you have to share everything. EVERYTHING. From the moment you are spread-eagle on that delivery table sharing your privates with anyone who happens to enter the room, to present day and every day in between. You share your food, your craft supplies, your bed, your clothes and make-up (if you have a girl - or a very fancy boy), your time, your illnesses, your body (they're always crawling on, leaning on, leaving some sort of bodily fluid on, sitting on, your body), your running errands time, your what-was-supposed-to-be-MY-alone-time, your beverage straws, your car, your bathroom, your television, your husband, your....everything.....
So when you have a secret - when you go somewhere with your children or whoever else it might be and that place holds a memory that no one else in your life knows about - there's something very satisfying about it. It's something that is only yours. That you don't have to share. That no one even knows that you're not sharing because it's locked in the private vault of your mind and they have no access.
And they never will.
Unless you decide to let it out.
To share it.
There are several places like that for me. Places that hold a special place in my heart. Places that I had shared with someone else in the past but they are no longer in my life so now it's only mine. Mine to do with whatever I want.
I choose to keep these memories mine alone. Close to my heart. Safe in my mind. At the same time keeping others safe with the lack of information. Things they don't ever need to know about.
I often wonder if everyone has secrets like this.
Or am I the only one?
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Can You Say Codependent?
Is anyone else as STRESSED OUT as I am about John and Kate Gosselin? I mean, seriously...my stomach starts to hurt every time I see a commercial or magazine cover about them. Can't those two kids just find a way to get along? I keep vowing that I will not watch the show anymore because I'm on the "I will not contribute the demise of this family by supporting the airing of their pain and suffering" bandwagon, but I gotta tell ya, it's hard not to watch. I can't not look at it. I'm in knots about the BIG Announcement tomorrow night. And we have what? Like 36 more episodes to go this season? What the hell are they going to fill all of those half-hour times slots with? Jon looking for an apartment? His first lay after Kate? (Or did that already happen?) Kate's ceremoniously taking off her wedding ring? The kids deciding how they want to decorate their "other room" at Daddy's house?
It's horrible! Just so very icky. I sure hope that the money they're raking in is still worth it to them in the end. They'll need it for all the therapy bills they're going to have.
It's horrible! Just so very icky. I sure hope that the money they're raking in is still worth it to them in the end. They'll need it for all the therapy bills they're going to have.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
12:50 p.m.
That's the time we were at the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum a week ago today. We had 12:45 tickets and decided to go to the museum cafe beforehand for lunch. It was a good lunch. We were all surprised because most museum cafes frankly aren't known for their tasty cuisine. They offered the usual fare as well as knishes which Emma thought was a funny word.
It was also the first time in my life I had to go through security to eat. In all of the places that we visited in DC in the previous four days - with all of the high security everywhere - not once did we have to go through security to get to the food. We thought it odd but when you're in that kind of situation (extreme hunger!) you go with the flow.
After lunch, it was about 12:50 and we entered the museum. And, of course, there was more security. We knew the routine by then and proceeded to put our purses and wallets in the plastic bins and on the conveyor belt to be scanned and then waited to walk through the upright metal detector. While we were waiting, a very nice security officer said to my me and my brother, "Please open your water bottles and take a few sips for me." We looked at each other with puzzled looks on our faces because that was a first. At every security checkpoint we'd encountered in the previous days, not one security guard had made that request. They either didn't care if we had water or told us we had to throw it out. We started laughing and the guard went on to explain that he just needs to make sure it's not an explosive liquid. I looked at him with a glint in my eye and said, "Well, this is vodka. Does that count?" He thought that was pretty funny. Laughed out loud and waved us through. Later that evening, my family and I talked about how much sense his request made. So much smarter than making everyone throw their water out!
Today, exactly one week later at 12:50 p.m., a security guard at that very museum lost his life to a racist gunman. Although he wasn't the one that asked us to take sips of our water, I wondered if he was one of the ones that I had encountered that day. The one I had asked where the gift shop was? The one that I smiled at and he smiled at me as I passed by him? It made me sad to think about. And grateful. Grateful for all of the security we had to go through that week as we toured throughout the city. We thought it was such a pain at the time, but now I see how important it is and how brave all of those security men and women are even though their day-to-day activities may seem rather rote and mundane to us.
My prayers are for the family of that security guard tonight. Thank you for all you did to serve and protect my family a week ago. And all that you did to protect other museum guests today.
It was also the first time in my life I had to go through security to eat. In all of the places that we visited in DC in the previous four days - with all of the high security everywhere - not once did we have to go through security to get to the food. We thought it odd but when you're in that kind of situation (extreme hunger!) you go with the flow.
After lunch, it was about 12:50 and we entered the museum. And, of course, there was more security. We knew the routine by then and proceeded to put our purses and wallets in the plastic bins and on the conveyor belt to be scanned and then waited to walk through the upright metal detector. While we were waiting, a very nice security officer said to my me and my brother, "Please open your water bottles and take a few sips for me." We looked at each other with puzzled looks on our faces because that was a first. At every security checkpoint we'd encountered in the previous days, not one security guard had made that request. They either didn't care if we had water or told us we had to throw it out. We started laughing and the guard went on to explain that he just needs to make sure it's not an explosive liquid. I looked at him with a glint in my eye and said, "Well, this is vodka. Does that count?" He thought that was pretty funny. Laughed out loud and waved us through. Later that evening, my family and I talked about how much sense his request made. So much smarter than making everyone throw their water out!
Today, exactly one week later at 12:50 p.m., a security guard at that very museum lost his life to a racist gunman. Although he wasn't the one that asked us to take sips of our water, I wondered if he was one of the ones that I had encountered that day. The one I had asked where the gift shop was? The one that I smiled at and he smiled at me as I passed by him? It made me sad to think about. And grateful. Grateful for all of the security we had to go through that week as we toured throughout the city. We thought it was such a pain at the time, but now I see how important it is and how brave all of those security men and women are even though their day-to-day activities may seem rather rote and mundane to us.
My prayers are for the family of that security guard tonight. Thank you for all you did to serve and protect my family a week ago. And all that you did to protect other museum guests today.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Many Adventures To Come? Who Knows!
It's been a while! I'm one of those bloggers that drive me crazy - long periods of time between posts - and it's annoying. Things have been so busy. Emma finished her 7th grade year with straight A's (and a teacher's excellence award!). We went to Pennsylvania for Greg's dad's funeral (finally! don't get me started.). And then on to DC for five days to see the sights. The DC trip was a lot of fun and it was great to see so many of the things that Emma studied in history this past year. Emma started her summer swim team practices and has two weekend retreats coming up as well as...yup, it's time that I admit it publicly -- BAND CAMP!! She's decided to try color guard this fall and I'm hoping she has fun with it. It's always fun to try something new.
Speaking of which, I feel a deep, deep need to try something new and find some future direction in my life, but I'm not sure how. I am thinking of taking an art class and finally get off my butt and pursue my art work.
We toy with the idea of leaving Georgia nearly weekly now. I'm not sure how much longer we can stand it here and are praying for direction. I want to sell everything we own and just hit the road and travel for a year but that hardly seems practical.
I hate having to be practical.
That's about it for now. Lots of thought and stories to babble about but I gotta go. More later.
Speaking of which, I feel a deep, deep need to try something new and find some future direction in my life, but I'm not sure how. I am thinking of taking an art class and finally get off my butt and pursue my art work.
We toy with the idea of leaving Georgia nearly weekly now. I'm not sure how much longer we can stand it here and are praying for direction. I want to sell everything we own and just hit the road and travel for a year but that hardly seems practical.
I hate having to be practical.
That's about it for now. Lots of thought and stories to babble about but I gotta go. More later.
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