Last Friday I tried to save something to my "Favorites" file on AOL but a message popped up telling me that the file had reached its maximum limit of 2500 items. I was mildly annoyed (why should there be a limit?) but decided to spend part of the weekend cleaning it out.
It was bizarre. There were things in there from the late 1990s. My daughter was only a preschooler. I had saved articles about illnesses she had then, craft projects I did with her and wanted to remember, hotel information for vacations we took and order receipts for cute little outfits I had bought for her online.
There were also a lot of things from the various relationships and friendships I've had in the past ten years or so. Funny items found on the internet that I've shared with others and they've shared with me - an article about "Padiddle", YouTube music videos and blog links. There were also links to travel sites that I was interested in - exotic destinations. And a lot of recipes that I had forgotten about that I want to try again sometime soon.
I was surprised by how it made me feel. I shouldn't have been after what happened last week with the old family photos, but I was. It was bittersweet. Emma's grown up so much and although I'm thrilled with the person she's turning out to be, it was kind of sad to know that the days of her childhood are now numbered.
It was also sad to be reminded of old friends - ones that I've lost touch with or who have lost touch with me. The fact that we aren't part of each others daily lives anymore hurts. Maybe I'll try to get in touch with some of them....
I found the memory guestbook that was set up when my brother died. It zipped me back to that horrible time when he went missing and then was found ten days later. Reading the guestbook entries again was heartbreaking.
I was also reminded of all of the shopping I've done. Yikes! Many, many, MANY order confirmations and purchase receipts. No wonder we have so much crap and so little money. I'll need to work on curbing that.
It was amazing how many of the things that I had saved were "no longer available" or "link not found." They had become obsolete - no longer relevant in that particular website's opinion.
In the past few months, my internet connection has been really slow. Videos weren't playing well. Some articles took forever to download because of the graphics or photos included in the article. E-mails were not getting to me or ones that I had sent were getting kicked back as "undeliverable." It has been annoying the heck out of me.
After several hours spent on this project (more than I thought it would take) my Favorites file was finally purged. It felt great. I felt like I had just cleaned out a huge closet - organized a few things, cleared out some cobwebs and said a few goodbyes.
The greatest part was that my internet connection started running so smoothly and so fast! I had no idea that all of the muck in that one file was taking up so much functional space on my internet connection. Now that I cleared away all of the junk, there's space for the good stuff - the stuff I want access to now.
I'm finding out that the rest of my life, off the internet, is becoming like that too. As I begin to clear away the cobwebs of my past, clean out the junk in my mind that is irrelevant to me anymore, there's now room for things that are good for me - things and people that are good to me too. I'm forgiving myself for mistakes I've made and forgiving others for mistakes they've made. I am breathing easier and grateful for grace - the kind I receive and the kind I am privileged enough to extend to others.
It's a good place to be and I feel happy and at peace in a way I haven't for a long time now.
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