Sheesh, I'm cranky today. Illness has hit the house, we got screwed by a customer, I forgot to take my heartburn medicine last night so my chest and gut are burning, I didn't sleep well, there were some glitches with the work I was trying to finish and I'm worried about my sister. I'm snappy and impatient and I'm doing a lot of eye rolling at everybody.
I've decided to write a little note to Emma for every day I'm gone so I worked on that today too and frankly, I think that has tipped things over the edge for me. I guess it just left me feeling sad and guilty on top of all of the other stuff going on right now.
But in a way, I'm beginning to feel like my guilt about this trip is becoming a bit self-indulgent. It's got a tinge of martyrdom to it and if I let it, it will taint all of the goodness that this trip can provide me - ruin all that this luxurious opportunity has to offer. It's important that I find a way to to keep it all in perspective and not let it spiral into this cesspool of self-inflicted emotional bullshit.
And, iIf I'm being honest, I can admit that making these little notes is also kind of fun! I've included a little treat in each note - some gum or candy, pictures, cold hard cash, $5 gift cards, etc. Just a little something from me to let her know that I'm thinking about her and to make her smile. I've also bought some little gifts - a stuffed animal, a travel game, some fun toiletries in a pretty bag - and I'm going to hide them around the house before I leave and put clues in a few of the notes so she can have fun finding the goodies.
Deep sigh. My dear Emma. What a great kid. She's going to be fine. I'll be fine. We'll be fine. Everything will be just fine.
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