The Problem With Radio Silence When You're Me

As part of my radio silence decision, I deactivated my Facebook account. I've also cleaned up my e-mail account by unsubscribing to most of the sites that send me so much junk mail every day. (I'm so sick of people trying to sell me stuff.)

I figure that this is a good time to take a step back from things, streamline my life a bit and spend some time thinking and hopefully figuring a few things out. My husband is out of town indefinitely for more storm work so I have a lot of time to myself.

I was just talking with one of my best friends, T. We've known each other since sixth grade and our primary activity together is laughing. I treasure her for that. Also for her kindness and compassion.

At some point in the conversation she asked me if there had been any fallout from deactivating my Facebook account.

Uhhhhmmmmm...

Now that you mention it, NO, there hasn't been any fallout. AT ALL. In fact, I don't think anyone has even noticed that I'm missing. That's the problem with being a 5'9" invisible woman. No one notices when you're there, and no one notices when you're gone. You think you're making some dramatic statement when in fact no one is even listening.

No wonder I'm depressed. I've got a lot to figure out. Who are these people in my life? These so called "friends" - whether in the ridiculous world of Facebook, or in my (equally ridiculous) real life. Why do I continue to engage with people that really don't seem to give a shit whether I engage with them or not - EVER??

On the other hand, what did I expect? I mean, really. What did I expect? That people would fall all over themselves missing me and then beg me to come back into their lives? History has taught me better than that and I really need to start paying attention to those lessons.

People, in general, are rather self-involved. And I include myself in that group of people. It was rather self-involved of me to think that I would disappear and that it would have any real effect on anyone. Everyone has their own lives and whether or not I'm on Facebook anymore, or whether or not I am texting/e-mailing/calling/IM-ing/Skyping/tweeting anymore is really of very little concern to anyone.

Geez, it's overwhelming.

What I've concluded in the last few days is that if I'm going to take a step back for a bit to figure some things out, then for heaven's sake RACHEL, go figure some things out! Stop worrying about if anyone is noticing you figuring things out - JUST GO DO IT. The story here shouldn't be about who noticed you disappearing for a while to figure things out. It should be about WHAT DID YOU FIGURE OUT??

And always, always remember: radio silence doesn't work if no one was listening in the first place. The key is to figure out how to say something worth listening to.