Unconditional Love

Is it possible? Is unconditional love attainable?

I remember back in college, my boyfriend at the time wasn't treating me all that well and we were headed towards a break-up. I was heartbroken and sought the advice of the college pastor. He said, "My best advice to you is to just keep loving and keep loving and keep loving him, no matter what. It doesn't matter what he does or doesn't do, just be loving in return."

What a foreign concept that was to me! Just keep taking it? Just always respond with love? How can I do that when he isn't treating me well? Aren't I just setting myself up to be a doormat? I was confused, but intrigued.

Years later, well into my adulthood, I had a friend hurt me very badly - very unfairly. I was so confused and angry and hurt and bewildered. My first human instinct was to respond in kind. To lash out. To make clear that I would not be treated this way by anyone. (So there!)

In the midst of all of that pain and anger, I had a lightening bolt - an epiphany. What if if just decided to be who I wanted to be no matter who she chose to be?  What if I - in spite of her horrible behavior - just chose to be kind in return? What if I offered grace even when no grace was offered to me? What if I behaved lovingly towards her even though she behaved so hatefully towards me? What if I chose that from this moment on, NOTHING and NO ONE would change who I wanted to be? I think a seed was planted years earlier by that college pastor that was to become revolutionary for me. It made me feel powerful over so much hurt and hatred - not just in my personal life - but in a more global sense.

Then, a couple of years ago, I came across a quote that changed my life - ROCKED MY WORLD. It solidified all that had been forming in my mind and in my heart about this business of loving unconditionally...

"I could not think of being unkind, even to a mortal enemy. It would hurt me. I see so much unkindness in the world, and there is no excuse for me to add to it. When you love God, and when you see God in every soul, you cannot be mean. If someone behaves hurtfully toward you, think of the best ways to behave lovingly toward him." ~ Paramahansa Yogananda

Isn't that absolutely fantastic?! To just decide that NO MATTER WHAT you will be loving and kind to others. That by doing so, you would show God's love through you to others. That you no longer have the burden of one-upmanship or gaining the upper hand or "winning" or getting even or playing the games that we so often get stuck in with other people.

It's so simple. Be kind - no matter what. Let that be your natural reaction - no matter what. Extend grace - no matter what. Be loving - no matter what.Whether or not someone deserves your kindness or grace or love is no longer your problem or burden to carry. You have already chosen who you are going to be and you're going to be someone that extends loving kindness no. matter. what.

Truly amazing.

Recently, I was reading a novel and one of the characters was a priest and he was having a discussion with a man who was seeking - truth, enlightenment, understanding - about some terrible heartache and pain he was experiencing. The priest said to the man, "The question is, what would happen to your life and your world if you were somehow able to erase from your mind, your heart, and your memory - from your very existence, in fact - the motivation, 'What is in it for me?'"

Unconditional love. You just love because it's good and right and kind. You care about the other person more than your own agenda, more than your own feelings, more than your own needs and wants.

Impossible? I don't think so. Hard? Yes, extremely.

But so very worth it.