The other day we were at a 4th of July party and my girl, Emma, bopped on by me as I sat at the bar yacking with some friends. I impulsively grabbed her and wrapped her in a big bear hug. Squeezing her tight and kissing her cheek over and over again. After a few moments she said, "Mom...." as in, LET GO! You're crushing me!
I didn't. I held on and said, "Do I have to let go? Tell me I don't ever have to let go." Then we both laughed and I finally released her. But as I watched her walk away I suddenly became very sad. I truly was just talking about never wanting to stop hugging her at first, but then I know suddenly that I was really talking about something bigger without even meaning to. I see her ever-increasing height, her more woman-like curves, the lovely hairstyle she came up with on her own, the stylish outfit that she put together all by herself...and I realize in one crushing moment that I do. I do have to let go. That little by little for a long time now, I've been letting go. And I felt my heart break a little.
This motherhood thing that I've always struggled with has been going on for 13 years now and without even knowing it, the letting go has been happening all along. As it should.
But man...
It hurts.
I love her so....
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