I'm Almost "Done" But I'm Still Learning

I'm learning, after 17 long years of parenting, that parents don't feel guilty because they can't solve their children's problems. They feel guilty because their children have problems in the first place. If I had been a better parent, she wouldn't have this problem. If I had been a better parent, she would have more friends, better grades, not have this illness, wouldn't have had sex so early, wouldn't be addicted to (fill in the blank), would keep his room cleaner, would love herself more, would be healthier, happier, more successful, richer...NOT SO FREAKING SCREWED UP.

That's a heavy burden.

We lose before we start because everyone has problems, but we somehow think we can - or should - protect our children from them. That somehow, if we do a good enough job, get it just right, then ours won't. So, when, OF COURSE, they do have problems we are so taken aback. So surprised. And left feeling so inept.

I've been feeling inept lately. So lost and incapable. So bewildered and alone. A failure.

But...I'm also learning that what I've told my friends when they're feeling lost as a parent, is also true for me. That a good parent isn't someone who has all of the answers for our children when they struggle. It's someone who's willing to look until he or she finds them. Someone who helps their children navigate and discover and learn - so they can face their life - no matter what it brings.

Someone who loves them unconditionally - even when they have problems.