Long hiatus, folks! It's been a while since I've been writing on here. I don't know why I do that. I know I hate it when other bloggers do that - just disappear. I'm at an advantage though because I don't have any readers (At least I don't think I do. Please let me know if I'm wrong.) so I imagine that my absence has offended no one.
I'm going through some things. Some hard things. I'm used to hard things but that somehow doesn't make hard things any easier. This is unfortunate. What good is all of that "hard stuff" life experience if it doesn't make the next hard thing any easier to go through? It makes one feel rather foolish and ripped off for all of that endurance displayed, grit proven and lip stiffened.
In a nutshell, I have a very ill sister, an ill father, an anxious daughter, no money, no job, a 24-year marriage, a messy house and, well, a pretty messy life. I've had the urge to write about these things and hope that, by doing so, I'll remember what all of this felt like. I'm hoping that this time, I will not shove all of my thoughts, feelings and emotions so deep into the caverns of my heart and mind that they serve no purpose but to eat me alive, body and soul.
You see, I've already lost a sister, two brothers and my mother. And I've shoved and I've swallowed and I've endured and I've forged on. But I have not come out unscathed. I am damaged. More than most I would guess. And with all of that shoving and swallowing I am not able to help others as much as I'd like. I want to help others. It's the only thing that helps make all that my family has gone through make any sense. It seems selfish and wasteful not to serve others during their hard times.
My goal is to "go there." To let myself feel it all through writing about it. And hopefully, by letting myself feel it all, I can learn and pass on what I've learned better than I have in the past.
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